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Keeping it Lit for Lent

Happy Ash Wednesday to my fellow Catholics and Christian brethren around the globe.

Today marks the first day of what is known in the Christian tradition as “Lent”, or what I lovingly refer to as #Jesus’40DayChallenge (start hashtagging it fam, let’s start a movement!)  The interim period is supposed to be a time of penance and prayer, overall, just keeping it #ASHTAG #blessed. No, getting turnt on the wine at communion is not kosher. Trust me, I inquired within.

Besides abstaining from meat on Fridays, many take it upon themselves to give up a particular vice of theirs. As I am the most Catholic person I know [read: obdurate sinner], I’ve attempted to (and swiftly failed to) give up many things, including alcohol, cursing, and cookies.

If you looked at my scorecard, it would probably read:

Erin: 0
Vices: Infinity +

lent

But I’m hopeful. This year, in an effort that the clergy would probably deem, “blasphemous”, I’m making a list of everything I should (but undoubtedly will not) give up. I present:

The Vice Life: Err Edition

  • Cursing
  • Drinking
  • Twerking
  • Telling complete strangers that I am a Venture Capitalist.
  • Starting movies after 9 pm on a weeknight, after I very well know I will pass out on the couch and wake up in my basement at 3 am disoriented and in a position that most likely resembles a pretzel.
  • Jabbing my mom as hard as humanly possible in the neck while fleeing away giggling at own my shenanigans.
  • CVS Self-Checkout. I’m 93% sure that it is, in fact, the devil.
  • THE ENTIRE MALE POPULATION (the link is to the Wiki page of the word “man”, and they have a picture of Michael Ealy, which everyone should have the opportunity to lay their eyes upon)
  • Not contributing to the Jimmy Fund everytime I go to the movies =(
  • Calling my dog anything but his actual name. He has one eye, so more often than not I call him Sammy Davis Junior. His name is Wink.
  • Capitalizing Angie’s name in my college friend’s group chat. Sorry ANG. Ugh, there I go again.
  • Not opening my mail.
  • Trader Joe’s Speculoos Cookie butter. Basically divinity in a jar.
  • Burning pancakes.
  • Just going to generalize here: stop being ratchet. It happens.
  • Cease and desist giving strangers or acquaintances nicknames based on their aesthetic or a small personal detail about them:
    Example: – A guy in college on the track team had long, flowing locks. So what did I call him that other people started calling him? Jesus Christ, Track Star.
  • Breaking and/or losing 3/4 of all of anything I touch in a given day.
  • Running into my kitchen and kicking as high as possible just so my dad says with force, “This is not a dojo “
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One comment

  1. Kwame says:

    you are so silly

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