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Well [Maybe Not] Wishes

(Via: theChive)

(Via: theChive)









Ever just come across an individual that just is really, truly terrible? So terrible, in fact, that you’d like to tell them to f*$k off?

Me too, boo. But, if you’re like me (Ginger, pale, red head, impulsive, etc.) and are extremely non-confrontational and don’t want to wish someone death, here is a list of minor annoyances sure to dampen their day.

  • I hope your credit card gets declined after you ring up an entire cart full of groceries.
  • I hope you get stopped by the TSA at the airport and they make you go through all your belongings in front of everyone.
  • I hope you fart on a first date.
  • I hope you lose that ebay auction in the last five seconds before it ends.
  • I hope you accidentally send a nude to your mom – or better yet, your priest.
  • I hope that every time you flip your pillow looking for the cool side – you never find it.
  • I hope you burn through 80% of your data plan within two days of the new billing cycle.
  • I hope you only get 9 likes on your next Instagram post.
  • I hope you get dropped crowd surfing at a concert.
  • I hope you lose 20 $1 bets.
  • Hope you step in dog poop with those poppin’ Skechers ya momma bought you.
  • I hope you get a chain email from the early 2000’s today.
  • Man, I hope you really bomb the next karaoke song you perform.
  • I hope that even if you get your hand stamped, they don’t let you back in the club.
  • I hope you trip going up a flight of stairs.
  • I hope a man mansplains “mansplaining” to you.
  • Hope you realized you forgot your sports bra the moment you step into a gym.
  • I hope someone, anyone, finally tells you they do not give a shit about how your Peloton bike has changed your life the next time you start talking about it.
  • YO. I hope you lose a contact lens while at the movies and have to watch the rest of the film squinting through one eye uncomfortably.
  • I hope someone gifts you a goddamn Chia pet.
  • God I hope the next picture you take has poor lighting and a miserable angle.
  • I hope you forget to get your parking validated.
  • I hope your arm gets stuck in a vending machine when you try to retrieve that cool, refreshing ginger ale enticing you. Moreover, the fire department has to be called.
  • I hope that your radio busts and for some reason that 1-877-Kars for Kids jingle is stuck on repeat.
  • Oooh I hope you forgot to set your DVR to record the season finale of your favorite show.
  • Hope they forget the guacamole the next time you go to Chipotle.
  • Hope you burn your tongue on the first bite of piping hot pizza you couldn’t wait to eat.
  • I hope a group of Jehovah Witnesses won’t stop coming by your house on your only weekend off.
  • I hope your Netflix won’t stream properly for the next five days.
  • I hope ya chip that fresh mani moments after walking out the nail salon.
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